I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize