Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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