I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
