I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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