I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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