Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
