this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
