She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
