So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
