i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
