I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
