i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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