my shit smells like andre
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
