I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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