she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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