did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
