I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
