we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
