I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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