i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize