she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
