We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
