I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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