Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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