I think im going to throw up on grandma
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
