I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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