i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
