I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
