Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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