You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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