News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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