I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
