Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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