They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
