I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
