he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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