420 ftw
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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