She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
