Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
