there's paper in my vomit.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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