I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
