Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
