Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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