oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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