I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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