If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I could make wine with my vomit
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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