Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
