Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
