There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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