She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
