Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize