Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
