you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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