I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Pooping to opera.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
