fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
