i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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