i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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