quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize