He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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