I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This house was built for laser tag.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
