is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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