I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
