She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
